His First Letter

March 3, 1999

Dear Bob,

I was so happy to hear from you. I did receive your letter with the web site papers in it and I liked it very much. I would like to thank you for the time you have put forth in my behalf. I would also like to tell you that I’m very sorry for not writing you sooner. I just at times get so down in the dumps I find myself fighting just to get out of bed and keep going.

I was talking to my mother last night and as we talked I started to cry. I just told her I don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. I have spent 15 years of my life locked away for something I never did and after a while you start to lose all hope. I tell you this because when I see your letter that’s what I start feeling is hope and it scares me.

I don’t even know if I should have told you that but it’s the truth. At times Bob I feel so all alone. I also do believe people have tried to help me but life moves so fast out there that I seem to always get lost in the process. I’m not saying that you would do this to me. It’s just how it has gone so far. So I fear the hope others bring into my life because I’m always left alone in the pain. My heart can only take so much pain. I’m sure you know that a lot of pain comes from inside as well. I’m glad I started this letter to you. I have wrote to you maybe 10 times already, I just never mailed them out. And believe me this one’s going.

[The rest of the letter was a discussion of Baran's dissatisfaction with his then lawyer.]